Eastern Carolina Style

Oh Boy!  Jonah Hill (who has lost all credibility) and Channing Tatum (who never had any credibility to begin with) are starring in a sequel to a movie I really didn’t like based on a show I never watched!  Based on the trailer, apparently their bro-mance from 21 Jump Street has progressed to couples counseling.

Ice Cube returns and he calls Hill and Tatum “dumb cops.”  He is not wrong.  Then, for some reason, there is an immediate fadecut to Hill and Tatum firing their pistols into the air while grabbing their other pistols.  So I’ll leave it to your imagination to decide which pistol is the latter.  Incidentally, after only 30 seconds I am convinced that actually sitting through this scurf on the head of the film industry will cause my ovaries to jump from my body and run away screaming.

Anyway, the boys are going undercover at a local Ivy League college to search out a new drug.  Hmm.  Given what I know about the average police department budget, I’m going to call shenanigans–there is no way in hell that a police department could afford to outfit two idiots with college gear.  I mean, I’ve been to college and the campus most people can afford looks nothing like that campus always shown in college movies.  In real life the other students are sleep-deprived and caffeine-shocked, and live in shoeboxes, not the spacious palaces typically depicted in film.

Anyway, after setting up any high school senior who sees the movie for a very disappointing first year in college, the action shifts to Spring Break.  That hip music the young people like plays over shots of bikini-clad nymphets jumping and drinking.  Wow.  A male-oriented film that glorifies violence, promotes racial stereotypes for the purpose of cheap giggles, mocks the emotions of the male characters, and objectifies young attractive women.  Way to go out on a limb, Hollywood!

Then Hill and that blonde woman from Workaholics fight each other, but it’s okay to hit her because she’s saying hit me and then she hit Jonah, so he has to hit her because otherwise he would need to calmly walk away instead of punching her in the face and then she’s going to kiss him, which is why he gets flustered and hits her…wait, why is it okay that Jonah Hill is hitting the blonde chick?  Seriously not cool, movie.

End the trailer with a penis joke, although, in many ways, the trailer has already been one, long, penis joke.  See what I did there?  I ended my review on a penis joke, too.