Archive for the ‘Trailers’ Category

Sex Tape – Review

Posted: July 18, 2014 by MichaelSmithNC in All, Movie Review, Movies, Trailers
Tags: , , , ,

Sex-Tape-2014-Movie-Poster

Annie and Jay met in college and immediately discovered that they had a great sexual chemistry. That chemistry turned them into a pair of evenly matched nymphos. They loved sex with each other more than anything. They would find themselves having sex everywhere and anywhere at the drop of hat, ANY HAT.

The sex led to true love, that love led to marriage, and marriage led to kids. Now Annie and Jay are your typical American married couple with kids. Their days start with getting the kids ready for school before they rush off to work themselves. Their evenings and nights are often spent doing “family stuff” and then passing out in order to be ready to repeat the process again the next day. They are living the American Dream.

Wait, what happened to the sex?

Sex Tape is a hilarious comedy starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel as Annie and Jay. The couple answers the question, “what happened to the sex?” by making a homemade porno in the hopes that it will rekindle the sexual chemistry that has escaped them. After “going the whole Lincoln” and making the three hour movie, the couple passes out. While asleep the video, accidently, gets uploaded to the all-knowing entity that is known as “The Cloud.” The couple then has to go on a mission to collect and destroy every copy of the homemade porno that exists. Hilarity ensues…

The story is almost too funny to describe in words, it is the worst case scenario for any couple that has ever filmed themselves having sex. How the couple chooses to deal with the situation leads them into situations that can only be described as ridiculous. A vicious German shepherd, cocaine, extortionists, and even porn kings all stand in their way of stopping the spread of this movie.

Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel make a great comedic team. They have great chemistry and balance each other very well. Also, to pull off a movie like this, you have to have actors that have the right balance of comedic ability and true sex appeal. Even at 42 years old, Cameron Diaz has on-screen sex appeal to burn. The scene of her in that roller-girl outfit will be in the minds of men forever.

As a word of caution, this movie is the definition of what it means to be Rated R, don’t let the lack of a frontal nude scene lull you into a false sense of security. It should go without saying that there are MANY scenes depicting some form of crazy sex. There is also a bit of drug use and even a porn reference riddled soliloquy from a surprise cast member that is probably the icing on the cake of social inappropriateness.

If you are in need of a laugh this weekend, make the trip to the theatre and give Sex Tape a try. You will not be disappointed.

the-purge-anarchy-PG2_Final1Sheet_RGB_0609_1_rgb

Some movies are good enough all on their own, the story is complete and the issues resolved; the proverbial bow has been tied. Other movies are made with the intention of becoming a franchise or series. The unwillingness of Hollywood to tell a difference in the two scenarios leads me to a real problem in Hollywood; needless sequels. Based off of the success of last years movie, The Purge, director James Demonaco and his group came back to make an obligatory, unnecessary sequel; The Purge: Anarchy.

Last year, I got a taste of excitement with The Purge. It was something different, not amazingly good or anything but different. Before it came out, I looked for a graphic novel for it, a foreign version, an old TV show, anything that might fit the typical Hollywood process of finding ideas. When my efforts came up empty I went to the theatre full of hope that maybe DeMonaco and his group had found something that could break up the un-originality that plagues movie-making today. I left the screening pretty well satisfied, not awe-inspired or anything, but entertained.

Enter the sequel… What part of The Purge made you think a sequel was needed? After watching The Purge: Anarchy I pulled out my DVD of The Purge to see if I missed anything in the story, nope. I also looked for any commonalties between the two movies outside of the setting, still nothing. Finally, I looked to see if any of the characters somehow slipped my attention and appeared in both movies without me noticing, strike three. It is official; The Purge: Anarchy is a money-grab only.

The story is set in the same reality of the first movie. It is one year later from the events of The Purge and people in the downtown areas of the city are preparing. They are all preparing for the one night of the year when laws and morality are suspended and society is encouraged to “release the beast” and “purge for the greater good.” We are introduced to a mother and daughter in their apartment, a husband and wife driving through town, and a very disturbed man suiting up for war. Each is doing what they can to ready themselves for the 12 hours of carnage that are on the way. Once the horn blasts and the purge begins the three different perspectives all come together through circumstances outside their control and are forced to face the night as a team.

The cast of actors in The Purge: Anarchy does not contain a “big name” to anchor the cast like Ethan Hawke did in the first movie. As a matter of fact, it does even have a “bigger” name supporting cast member like Lena Headley. Frank Grillo who played Agent Brock Rumlow in the most recent Captain America movie and Zach Gilford from the TV version of Friday Night Lights were the most well-known, or recognizable, members of the cast. The casting of a large number of, primarily, TV actors will make you think, “I have no idea who that is, but I have seen them somewhere else.” Even considering the cast’s overall lack of big screen experience, no one really stood out as a negative. On the other side of that subject, no one really stood out as that good either.

The main weakness that I found in the movie was the dump truck load of political and sociological undertones that were dropped on my head. I get it! America is a violent country with lots of guns and a disregard for the poor. Can we not just move on with story and not try to solve all the problems of the country with a movie?

The Purge: Anarchy was not a bad movie. I went in knowing full well that it was a money grab sequel, I was right. If you liked the first one and wondered what else you could do in the story, then you will probably enjoy this installment. If mindless violence for the sake of violence, intense political undertones, and ambiguous morality in your heroes is a turn-off for you, then I would advise you to skip this one. Overall, when it hits Redbox, throw a dollar at it. Don’t purge $10 from your wallet at a theatre on this one.

Planes: Fire and Rescue

Sex Tape

The Purge: Anarchy

And So It Goes

 

Sex-Tape-2014-Movie-Poster

The Sex Tape trailer opens with the Up Tempo Music of Wacky Hijinks About To Ensue. A, ahem, “young” married couple walk through falling leaves on a beautiful autumn day in magic land. Then Cameron Diaz is dressed trampy and on roller skates as she clasps Jason Segel’s neck and suggestively murmurs that they should make a sex tape. Surprise, he’s into it. Am I alone in wishing the scene involved Jason Segel dressed in a comically small speedo while wearing roller skates and trying to seduce Cameron Diaz? No, that reversal of the sex roles doesn’t do it for anyone else? Hm. What if I suggest that Cameron Diaz is probably just as busy and exhausted as Jason Segel and it’s unfair to place the burden of keeping a marriage sexy on women?
Speaking of—scene after scene. Cameron tossing her toss-able hair around seductively. Jason holding a water pistol while fully dressed. Cameron holding a child while shooting fuck me eyes at someone off-scene. Jason fully dressed for a professional environment while holding his cell phone because women need to be sexy and men need to have fun and women need babies and men need to work.
Hey, they finally mentioned the sex tape! Somebody texted Jason that they enjoyed his video! Quick pan in while the music of I Just Screwed Up In A Big Way sends us to the next clip. Apparently, the sex tape they made has been seen by everyone. Oh well, too late to fix it without roofie-ing everyone you know and all the people who use the Internet. Except apparently the whole plot of this movie is them trying to dump the sex tape in Mount Doom or something…like once they get it sort of contained all their friends and family will politely forget it and never forward it or download it or upload it to an amateur porn site ever. Well, that’s stupid.
And now they’re talking about The Cloud and how nobody knows what it is. Well, that may be true. I’m still not laughing. Next scene, Jason Segel is looking sort of rough and watching his sex tape that he has not yet seen and becoming alarmed.
Then Rob Lowe is there and a German Shepard is chasing Jason. Insert funny joke about Siri hearing every question you ask wrong and Jason getting mauled by the dog. Remember when Cameron Diaz did physical comedy? Don’t expect to see a whole lot of that here. More sexy Cameron, some people from The Office, more sexy Cameron, fire, a scene that probably involves Jason showing his wang, falling from the roof, Cameron falling off the bed (hey! Looks like I was wrong about the lack of physical comedy for the female lead!). Jason falling again, so I guess we have collectively decided that is one of the funniest things he does in a movie. This one’s a tough call. I like Jake Kasdan and Jason Segel, but this really doesn’t seem amazing.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

 

 

dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-DPA_Group_Bridge_VER_C_SRGB_rgb

While I have come to realize that Charlton Heston and I are pretty far apart on the political spectrum I still love the first two Planet of the Apes movies. The franchise took a sharp nose dive after that, so the modern reboot was a great chance to reintroduce the idea with post-millennium special effects. Also, I love it when the world ends and the existing “social contract” gets thrown out the window.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes looks like the sequel I was waiting for, and the wide shots of an abandoned city crawling with damn dirty apes is making my brain pulsate. Looks like the apes have learned to sneer effectively while riding horses! Cut to the remnants of humanity, led by Gary Oldman and some other dude who is not Gary Oldman. You know who I like less now? Gary Oldman, who clearly needs to work some stuff out (or at least needs a handler to remind him that defending anti-Semitic remarks never has positive consequences.
So, Caesar explains that apes do not want war in a funny croaky voice while Gary Oldman looks on like a slack-jawed yokel. Cut to shots of apes doing cool things like wrestling bears while people discuss the basic shortcomings of humanity and the superior adaptability of the ape. Hey! Now there’s a cute baby ape! What a shame I do not see that baby ape living through the end of the movie. There’s an outside chance it will just be kidnapped and used a pawn in the inevitable clash of species that will appear in the climax of the film, but I’m betting that is one dead ape baby.
Keri Russell is in this? She has been kicking ass and taking names over on The Americans; why did it take so long for her to show up in the promo? Stupid sexist Hollywood. I guess she’s married to the guy who is not Gary Oldman. Since Gary Oldman is yelling some very species-ist things I guess that guy who is not Gary Oldman is our human hero.
At the one minute 26 second mark the awesome things happens. A militant ape comes upon to human sentries who do not take it seriously. The ape clowns for them, they lower their guard, and then a slaughter ensues. A hilarious slaughter. Stupid humans.
More apes doing cool stuff, somebody gave Gary Oldman an automatic weapon, people running, the Navy gets involved, Gary Oldman yelling some more. Fire, hugging, interspecies bromance, more guns. This. Looks. AMAZING.

Tammy

Deliver Us From Evil

Earth to Echo

America: Imagine a World Without Her

 

poster-for-the-phycological-thriller-deliver-us-from-evil

Eric Bana plays a New York cop who has seen some horrible things, which he makes sure to tell us about in a hard to source accent.  Is the terrible accent the result of something horrible you saw, Eric Bana?  Can you just take your shirt off now please?  I find it must easier to ignore your stupid voice when you look pretty.  Also, it is apparently raining for most of the movie and I am sure you will increase the box office receipts if you sell the movie as  “half-naked and dripping wet Eric Bana keeps his mouth shut while fighting evil.”

So, Eric Bana has a daughter who is both annoying and cute, in the way of child actors.  He also has a wife.  Apparently, her job is to be his wife, dress is sexy nighties, and raise their daughter, so it’s one of those movies.  Anyway, he gets called out to the Bronx Zoo at night, and now it sounds like a Boston accent?  Maybe he watched Good Will Hunting before showing up to work?  Anyway, there are strange goings-on at the Bronx Zoo in the middle of the night.

Cut to a scene from Penny Dreadful (wolves looking shifty at the zoo!  Probably werewolves because…evil).  The cops wander aimlessly, and find a woman doing some frankly unsettling shit.  I am sure that giving crazy eyes while on your knees scraping at the unforgiving ground is bad enough, but the trailer editors amp up the disturbing factor through the use of nails on the chalkboard music.

Then, a priest with a hard to source accent appears.  Spanish?  I think it might be Spanish.  Anyway, blah blah evilcakes, but Eric Bana is like, blah blah spiritual void, blah blah I dare this movie to change my mind about God and the Devil.  Screaming, scared lady with scary husband, more rain, bodies fall from the sky.  Third mention of scratching as a plot point HOLY CRAP THERE IS A CREEPY DEMON GUY HOVERING OVER HIS DAUGHTER, oh, wait, that was just in the mirror, guess it’s safe to walk away and leave his daughter in the clearly haunted room.

At what point did Eric Bana see that demon guy in the mirror?  Because she is in bed during a lot of scenes in the trailer, and while I’m on the fence about the scare value of the rolling hooting owl head, if I see something weird in my son’s room, like, I don’t know, a demon guy, for example, we’re all going to sleep in the car that night.

Spiders, more screaming, that dude is tied to a chair, that other dude is popping out of a dumpster, more rain.  Apparently Eric Bana’s daughter is named Christina, because that’s the name he keeps repeating,  He doesn’t sound that worried though.  More like he found out that she drew on wall in permanent marker and needs a time out. Definitely looks decent, but every time I see the trailer I notice that Joel McHale (The Soup, Community) has a role, and I am dying to know where he could possibly fit in.  Maybe the wisecracking Chief of Police?

Transformers: Age of Extinction

 

ETE_Billing

Dear whoever made Earth to Echo…Awesome ET rip-off!  It’s like the studio threw found footage, cute kids, robots, Super 8 and The Iron Giant into a blender and this emotionally void slop is what got spewed out.  In case you were wondering, I take schmaltzy, poorly done science fiction as a personal insult.  We ‘re talking, My Name is Inigo Montoya, You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die levels of personal insult.

The trailer opens with the Sweet Music of Whimsy and a voiceover.  Cut back and forth (may your intestines rot while still in your body, person who thought shaky cam was good idea) between various Lil’ Rascal-inspired kids showing off their phones.  Which, by the way, are much nicer than I can afford and should not be given to children, ever.

Then the unsupervised and dangerously neglected gang of future delinquents rides their bikes into the desert while more whimsical music plays.  Then they are poking at what appears to be a dusty bit of something or other, but is actually a robot alien of some kind.  Then, the children shriek in fear and probably wet their pants.  Just kidding.  But you know that would be the way more realistic reaction.

Ok, cute kid asking where the alien robot comes from, which is weird, because other than I come from space you dumb kids, what more specific answer will have meaning for them?  Are these kids astronomers?  Do they know advanced math?  Then having the alien robot show them a star chart is sort of pointless, isn’t it?  Why would the alien robot hang out with these kids anyway?  Is it an early version of WALL-E?  I read on the internet that the reason WALL-E was abandoned on the planet was that the robot model flipped out soon after its creation and “cleaned” the planet of humanity.  Please, please, alien robot—cleanse the Earth in radioactive fire starting with the precocious children that surround you!

Then one of the children says “those dudes.” And I really have to wonder if anybody under the age of 25 uses that word anymore.  Children running, blonde girl not having anything to do but conform to adolescent gender norms locating her as appropriately female while still able to serve as the token girl in the gang of boys, metal floating.  Truck Disassembly!  Truck Reassembly!  Boy bragging about he and his gang of outsiders did something, possibly, but not necessarily, relating to the truck disassembly-reassembly.